Lesson Learned
I'm sitting here at a Starbucks cafe just nervous and curious about what comes next for me. Obviously, school and work. But as for this new chapter in my life, what comes next? Love? Adventure? Trouble?
Moving to Orlando has already brought me many challenges. I miss my friends, family, but there is one person I haven't really stopped thinking about. Something that you should know about me is that I am a lover. For sure. I love love love and its not an easy love. I'm stubborn but I'm soft. I basically contradict myself as a person and I've just accepted that about myself. One thing that I've learned about myself is that if I have strong feelings, I will be heard. Whether its quietly or loudly. Surprise. It's me. I will be heard.
I have never really chased after people because I truly believe not every girl or guy is for you. Kind of like a shoe size. If I'm a size 7 then why am I trying on a size 6? When a guy decide that he's done talking to me, I let it go after trying to figure why. The only reason I truly try to figure out why is because I'm trying to grow as a person. Whoever is next doesn't deserve the same mistakes that I made with who ever was last.
Since my heart is curious about what could be in my old little town could be for me, I had to know why I wasn't worth the distance. I searched, asked, and just didn't understand for the longest time. Even after confronting this person, I didn't really like the answer of "It's my decision for now.". It sends a multitude of questions through my head like, "Was it all in my head?", "Did you even care?", "Why get involved if we knew this was going to the ground?". Why ask for a ride or die, especially if you knew that in Orlando, I'd continue to ride for you until I was sure it wasn't a thing anymore?
I don't regret getting involved although it sucked. I'll take this time and quote Alicia Keys and say,
"Yes, I was burned, but I call it a lesson learned. Mistake overturned, so I call it a lesson learned. My soul has returned, so I call it a lesson learned. Another lesson learned."
Although, I got my answer and wasn't pleased with it. It's okay. When I go back to my town, I won't feel the need to scratch this dudes car or basically try to ruin his life. If it's meant to be, it will be. I won't burn that bridge... yet.
Moving to Orlando has already brought me many challenges. I miss my friends, family, but there is one person I haven't really stopped thinking about. Something that you should know about me is that I am a lover. For sure. I love love love and its not an easy love. I'm stubborn but I'm soft. I basically contradict myself as a person and I've just accepted that about myself. One thing that I've learned about myself is that if I have strong feelings, I will be heard. Whether its quietly or loudly. Surprise. It's me. I will be heard.
I have never really chased after people because I truly believe not every girl or guy is for you. Kind of like a shoe size. If I'm a size 7 then why am I trying on a size 6? When a guy decide that he's done talking to me, I let it go after trying to figure why. The only reason I truly try to figure out why is because I'm trying to grow as a person. Whoever is next doesn't deserve the same mistakes that I made with who ever was last.
Since my heart is curious about what could be in my old little town could be for me, I had to know why I wasn't worth the distance. I searched, asked, and just didn't understand for the longest time. Even after confronting this person, I didn't really like the answer of "It's my decision for now.". It sends a multitude of questions through my head like, "Was it all in my head?", "Did you even care?", "Why get involved if we knew this was going to the ground?". Why ask for a ride or die, especially if you knew that in Orlando, I'd continue to ride for you until I was sure it wasn't a thing anymore?
I don't regret getting involved although it sucked. I'll take this time and quote Alicia Keys and say,
"Yes, I was burned, but I call it a lesson learned. Mistake overturned, so I call it a lesson learned. My soul has returned, so I call it a lesson learned. Another lesson learned."Although, I got my answer and wasn't pleased with it. It's okay. When I go back to my town, I won't feel the need to scratch this dudes car or basically try to ruin his life. If it's meant to be, it will be. I won't burn that bridge... yet.
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